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Day 259

Updated: Jun 26, 2019



In this time of thankfulness and charity, here are some actions that I’ve taken that have helped me with my grief. Perhaps they can help you or someone you love.

  • Accepting help

  • Acknowledging the very real grief of Constance’s friends, extended family, teachers, therapists, neighbors, healthcare providers, and dog, Otis

  • Acts of kindness

  • Asking myself what I’d say to my daughter if she were in my situation. Then trying to listen to and apply those words of love and understanding to myself.

  • Attending volunteering events on holidays

  • Being myself (i.e., just because I’m flying first class doesn’t mean I’m not going to put the bagel in my purse for later. I’ve got to be me…Or, as I am frequently told, I’ve got to be my Nana.)

  • Boundaries

  • Counseling

  • Cuddling other people’s dogs

  • Cutting out people who are toxic or whose reactions/actions subsequent to Constance’s passing make me feel uncomfortable

  • Donating to Aspiritech in Constance’s memory (www.Aspritech.org)

  • Donating to Autism Service Dogs of America in Constance's memory (www.AutismServiceDogsOfAmerica.org)

  • Donating to Cherry Preschool’s Inclusion Program in Constance’s memory (www.CherryPreschool.org)

  • Exercising

  • Forgiving imperfect reactions that were most malicious from people who loved Constance

  • Honesty

  • Hugs

  • Humor

  • Keeping busy

  • Listening

  • Medication

  • Memories of Constance

  • Not taking any shit

  • Passing on events that would be too painful

  • Photos of Constance

  • Saying “thank you”

  • Setting near-term, attainable goals for things that would make me feel good (i.e., block all haters)

  • Skipping holiday cards and gift giving

  • Socializing in person

  • Solitaire or other games on airplane mode on your laptop whenever you need a social media break but want to keep your hands busy. In solitaire, ‘all winnable hands mode’ is a real confidence booster. ;)

  • Stopping whatever I’m doing when it stops feeling right.

  • Talking to friends and family, strangers, or anyone

  • Time alone

  • Traveling

  • Trying to do the right thing regardless of how shitty it feels in the moment because it will ultimately feel amazing (e.g., saying goodbye to Otis because it will help another child and Otis)

  • Using lists even when it is just to write down what you did so you can feel affirmed marking it off

  • Visiting friends and family

  • Volunteering

  • Work (not related to death or grief)

  • Writing this blog

Please tell me if you have any advice or suggestions for me. Click here for the contact form. I am attempting to prepare myself for December.


Once again, I would like to share the number of the national suicide prevention line. Call 1-800-273-8255. They are always available and free. They have an online chat function too. In addition to being a place to talk, they can provide you with advice if you are worried about a loved one.


During the holidays, people’s lives look perfect. This is exaggerated on social media. It can make your grief feel much worse. Remember, few people share the grim reality of their lives. If they did, there would probably be less comparison and more compassion.

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Unknown member
Nov 29, 2018

Day 260 is at https://www.wantmybabyback.com/blog/day-260.

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Unknown member
Nov 28, 2018

Good tips.

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