I spent Christmas out of town. I'm still out of town. I thought about Constance. I cried. I slept. I watched TV. I just tried to live through it.
While deep in Hulu I found a reality show called '90-Day Fiance' about couples with K1 visas. I found myself yelling at the screen like it was the World Cup/Superbowl/World Series. It is easy to judge other's choices when you have the benefit of editing and emotional distance.
I miss Constance so. I want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over myself, and cry myself to sleep over and over again. I want to go back in time to Christmases past and live them over and over again. I want. I want. I want. I need to come to terms with my new reality. It is painful, but it is not going away. I need to commit myself to living live for Constance and I. Whatever that looks like, I need to do it.