Day 329

At the start of last year, I had many ambitious plans to improve Constance and my life. For example, I decided instead of becoming frustrated that Constance would come from school with her thermos missing as often as they remembered it I bought her a dozen thermos. After having been unable to get Constance's teachers to use the home feedback form that was pre-punched with holes for my Constance binder I put the form online for them and had the notes home each day sent to me via email and text. I started redoing Constance's bathroom so she could move to the bedroom with more privacy. I fought for Constance to be allowed to do morning lap swim and took her each day at 5 am. After years of golf lessons being canceled or scheduled to when Constance couldn't go, I convinced a pro to give her free 1:1 lessons. I got Constance a tooth brush for the gym, home, and school so she would never be with one. I had this great sense that I was working out all of the friction in my life and getting to a place where Constance and I were as happy and healthy as we could be.

The optimism I felt last year is a dramatic contrast to how I feel this year. I miss Constance so much. I continue to work to be thankful for what we had. Today my mantra is, "I am so fortunate to have so eight years of memories of being Constance's mother." I'm the only person who ever got to be her mom. I'm lucky that way.

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