Today my daughter’s father returns to work. I’m not up for that yet. I keep spontaneously bursting into loud, heaving cries of painful tears. I feel like the inverse of astronaut Scott Kelly in the twin study. Instead of being changed by 7% by this experience, I’ve been changed 93%. On a cellular level, I won’t be the same. My baseline has been forever altered. I try to stay in motion by focusing on getting the house ready to sell, but it’s hard when my body hurts all the time. I just want to hug my daughter and tell her I love her.
The physical pain of losing a child is watching. The pain never stops. We learn to cope but who really wants to cope?
From https://twitter.com/RachelleJervis/status/1008654112173559808:
Day 12 is at https://www.wantmybabyback.com/blog/day-12
Paula, I've felt that too. It's incredibly how physically painful loss of a child can be.
For me, it was an ice-cold feeling in my chest, like the warmth had been sucked out with the loss of my son. And I cried constantly, often to the point of hyperventilation.