Much to my surprise, I’m highly suggestible to things I hear about late at night on NPR. I heard about a rave and, the next morning, I ordered a 5 am Lyft to attend. It is a dance party that starts with yoga and ends with meditation, art, and intentions. It’s called Daybreakers. Two hours of rocking out through traffic and I arrived. On the way, I fantasized about coffee and reminded myself not to mention my dead daughter to my driver.
I arrived, checked in, and looked for the coffee. The coffee was gone but one of their sponsors was a gluten-free kombucha and there was plenty of that. There were also do-it-yourself granola mixes and half dozen different types of health bars of every derivation.
Happily, I was not the only person that came alone. I was invited by strangers into their photos, participated in group dances led by a DJ, and received loving hugs of welcome.
Towards the end of the party, a guitarist led a singalong that included a song about lost love. I thought of Constance and wept silently. A photographer put down his camera and came over to give me a hug and to say, “Don’t worry darling, you will love and be loved again.”
Two doors down, a nervous man in a suit watched as a dozen of my compatriots joined me in getting a post-party coffee at the adjacent coffee shop. We had all worn something red to celebrate our unity so we could easily identify each other. As they each came in, we exchanged confident eye contact, smiles of recognition, head nods, and energetic hellos. We probably looked like a sweaty band of misfits who were on a cult field trip. Speaking for myself, the dancing and community felt blissful. My secret intention for the rest of my day was to be present in every moment and I was.
You are so brave. It is great that you’re getting out a bit.
Day 156 is at https://www.wantmybabyback.com/blog/day-155.