More than one friend has texted me saying I shouldn’t be back at work. I don’t know what they think I should be doing. I get a lot of advice to “take it easy,” or take some “me time.” I don’t know what that means.
I used to really enjoy giving my daughter and myself pedicures or cuddling with her as we ate popcorn and read in bed. I’m not really in the mood to do those things alone.
If I didn’t return to work now, I wouldn’t have a job to return to. The reasons for this are outside the scope of this blog. The point is, they really need me.
I know this work situation would be stressful for other people. Oddly, when you lose the only thing that really matters in your life, your child, you stop fearing loss of any kind. Maybe a 40-year-old institution will close under my leadership and maybe it won’t. I don’t have pride of purpose anymore. I want to be as helpful as I can in my current state.
Day 27 is at https://www.wantmybabyback.com/blog/day-27.
Paula, I am so sorry to hear about that. I'm glad you got some leave. I wish you healing love and peace.
I had to take catastrophic leave because I was crying at the office and started having panic attacks (one of which included fainting). Fortunately, I was "just" a secretary and it was the best thing for all involved. I still wasn't ready to go back to work when I did, but I had no option. I still struggle - I was eventually diagnosed with PTSD (I have flashbacks and still deal with panic attacks). It's made working hard for me, but I keep chugging along. I'm glad you had a strong purpose - it might have been different for me if I'd had the same.