Day 39

What would you do if you had no obligations? Where would you go if you weren’t needed or maybe even wanted anywhere? Who would you be if you shook the Etch A Sketch and started over?

I can’t trust my memory of what I enjoy and don’t. Even the most mundane chores are polished with a bronzer of choice and made beautiful.

Imagining the person I was before Constance’s birth is not informative. I was still in school and time would certainly have changed me. Parents talk about the transformative nature of the birth of their first child with awe and wonder. It is a mere shadow to the changes that come with losing a child.

In addition to the loving parental care that I happily provided Constance, I spent much of the last eight years advocating for her. Being a good special needs parent meant I altered and folded myself over and over again like origami and it changed me. Even if I could unfold, I would be forever crinkled, marked, forever damaged.

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