Day 59

Mother's Day

Historically, Mother’s Day was a day on which I thanked my mother for giving me life. I would celebrate being Constance’s mother by taking her out to eat. I treated her because Constance didn’t have an allowance. She didn’t need an allowance because I bought her whatever she wanted, which was rarely more than using her iPad, using her gym membership, and eating her preferred foods.

I spent days searching the internet for grief retreats for Mother’s Day. I came up with a list of options but found reasons to mark each option off. One required that I sleep on the floor of a meeting house. Another was led by two men so, presumably, their experience being a grieving mother was limited. The program I settled on was canceled because I was the only registrant. I am lonely everywhere. What is Mother’s Day for a former mother but another day of boundless loss?

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