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Day 132

Updated: Jun 26, 2019


A person told me that she felt that I am shaming public criers by sharing that I don’t like to cry in front of people. There is nothing shameful about crying. There is nothing shameful about your daughter getting a brain tumor either. Nevertheless, I have and do feel shame and guilt about both of those things. That isn’t to say that I think anyone else should feel bad about it. In fact, I hope they don’t. I am not judging how anyone should or shouldn’t grieve. It is merely me sharing what is happening with me from my evolving perspective.


I don’t like to cry in front of people because I know it makes them feel very sad for me and I don’t want people to feel sad. That’s it. I prefer to cry in private so that I can cry those big snot-bubble, heaving tears without upsetting anyone. That being said, I do frequently cry in front of other people, including taxi drivers, strangers in bars, my waitress at breakfast, the hotel staff, the gym manager, etc. I just try not to.


One morning in Salisbury I woke up to a tweet from a person I’d met in my hotel’s restaurant the night before. He asked why I was in Salisbury and I told him. My daughter Constance had died suddenly. My father and step mom weren't able to come to service so I came to visit them. The stranger and I both wept. It happens. Despite my efforts, I don’t exactly spread joy everywhere I go.

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Unknown member
Jul 25, 2018

Day 133 is at https://www.wantmybabyback.com/blog/day-133.

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Unknown member
Jul 25, 2018
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