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  • Writer's pictureRachelle Jervis

Day 167

Updated: Jun 26, 2019


Things that helped me get through the first time my daughter wasn’t alive to celebrate her birthday:

  • Read and appreciated messages of support from friends and family.

  • Worked. This included completing some anxiety-producing reports I’d been putting off.

  • Invited people to a dedication celebration in Constance’s memory.

  • Took medication and enough vitamins to make my mom ask, “Do you ever consume nutrients in food form?”

  • Ran errands while speaking in a voice so high pitched that only dolphins and dogs could hear it.

  • Worked out on a stationary bike while trying not to draw parallels between it and the futility of life.

  • Sent a congratulatory gift to friends who just had a baby suppressing the instinct to write on the card, “No really, I am happy for you.”

  • Allowed my mind to stall at inconvenient places like an old car on the exit ramp of a highway.

  • Ignored that there’s a sinkhole in my stomach of Alice in Wonderland proportions and ate all of the food in Chicago.

  • Debated if it is a sign of affection or appropriation when other people post on their social media about how terrible their loss of my daughter was for them. I suppose that depends on the person.

  • Watched a horror movie recommended to me on a feminist blog. Horror is my least favorite genre because I can’t stomach gore, so I spent most of the movie covering my face or completely leaving the room. The catharsis of screaming was productive.

  • Found other ways to distract myself from the pain like getting waxed.

  • Imagined all of Constance’s wonderful characteristics as a different blossom on a large Rose of Sharon bush. I thought of how she bloomed for the whole world to see. Then I cried, and cried, and cried.

I hope this helps you with your grief or assists you in supporting someone with theirs in the future.

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