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Day 226

Updated: Jun 26, 2019

I recently had lunch with a former colleague. When I asked him how he was doing, he replied with an enthusiastic, “I’m great! I just paid off my car! Do you know what that’s like?” I replied, “No.” “It is like having an extra $500 bucks each month,” he cheered and then started doing a little disco arm dance. “That does sound nice,” I replied.

Money is a funny thing. When Constance was alive, her father and I would quarrel over how much was too much to spend on her education and health care. He wanted to spend most of our money on those areas whereas I wanted to spend all of our money on them.

Since Constance’s passing, I’ve been spending dollars like they are drakmas. When you can’t imagine a future, you can’t save for it.

The largest financial commitment I have is Constance’s house. When Constance passed, we were in the middle of redoing her bathroom for her comfort and privacy. That work had to be completed before we could put the house on the market. As a result, the house has only been listed for three months despite that it has been empty since a few weeks after Constance passed. Since listing the house, we have received multiple offers but they’ve all fallen apart at the funding stage. Now, my life is on hold while I wait for someone to buy it. I can’t make any changes in my life or move forward with anything until the house is sold. I can’t live there because I gave all of our furniture to Goodwill and there are regular showings. As a result, I’m just waiting in a stagnant purgatory. It is hard to grieve in limbo. The house is the largest artifact of my former family.


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Unknown member
Oct 27, 2018

Day 227 is at


Unknown member
Oct 27, 2018

I hope the funding comes through for the next offer. Fingers crossed

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