For my friends like Cherisse, like Florence, like Deb, like Cindy, like Jen, like Angie, like Faith, like Jurgita, and so on, their grief at Constance’s passing was complicated. They’d lost Constance, a child they knew and loved. At the same time, they had to support their children through their real grief and confusion at losing their playmate and friend. Meanwhile, they needed to assure their children and themselves that death at age eight is infrequent and wouldn’t happen to them. Some of my friends’ kids have learning or language differences. Each has their open special needs to process their loss, and my guess is, those needs may change but will probably be ongoing. If, like me, you’re a person prone to anxiety, trying to convenience yourself and your kids that they’ll be okay is probably an ongoing battle as well. I struggle with is how to help my friends through this.
One thing I regret is how my friends found out about Constance’s passing. I didn’t call people. I couldn’t say the words. As a result, some heard by text, by word of mouth, or by reading the obit on my social media. Many found out too late to attend the memorial services which were held very quickly after her passing. This meant they didn’t have the fabulous opportunity to say goodbye to a child they knew for years and loved. I regret that. If you didn’t find out about Constance's passing in a way that was appropriate for your relationship to Constance or me, I am so sorry for that.
I am sure there are things I am doing now or not doing now that would make this phase easier for my friends with young kids; Probably just leave them alone. Please let me know your recommendations.