Day 331

I find myself changed and unfamiliar.

I saw Marcus Lemonis sitting in a restaurants window bar eating lunch. I walked by and then turned around and walked back to verify that it was him. It was.

I considered going inside and asking him what it was like to be adopted and why he and his wife didn’t adopt or have any children. I decided against it because in addition to being none of my damn business I would hate it if a stranger interrupted my lunch to ask me personal family planning questions. Instead, I walked on and soothed my regret by reminding myself I can always DM him on Twitter.

I wish I knew what I should do. Life is so short and unpredictable. It is scary to think about opening myself up to the incredible risk of having and then losing another child. I don’t think there’s anything Marcus or anyone else could say that would change that would calm that fear.

I don’t know what my next chapter holds. The more fortune cookies I eat, the more certain I am that my future includes larger pants.

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